The Complete Louse

Detective Inspector Nit Presents

THE COMPLETE LOUSE

Back to school - and it appears, as usual, that our children are not the only ones to be back, as a week or so later a note appears on the school gate:

THE LICE ARE BACK

Oh no.

Once upon a time long ago at an infant school far from here, B started school. One week later the inevitable message was hooked up to the school gate: the lice are back. Here is what I did (do not try this at home).

• Stage 1: (thinks) 'Lice? Good Grief. No, it's too horrible to think about. He just won't catch them, that's all


• Stage 2: His head is itching, this is because he has dandruff, perhaps he is allergic to his ecologically sound natural shampoo?


• Stage 3: TOTAL LOUSE DOMINATION they have taken over planet head, this world is now so overpopulated that some lice have been forced to leave and colonise other planets...


• Stage 4: TOTAL PANIC

In a state of total panic I buy the products which seem to be least poisonous, I don't know if they are poisonous for us humans but they weren't at all poisonous for the lice, and the next day they were capering around as usual. I graduated to a stronger formula, but horror of horrors, the stern finger of the teacher pointed out: the lice are still with us. Exit stage left my quasi-buddhist pacifist ecology character, enter the serial killer, Arnie Schwarzenegger in Terminator. I buy the Make My Day Total Louse Double Insecticide Exterminator product and fire at every head without mercy. Total anhialation. Nothing moves. Ha!

But all this does not mean that the child cannot catch them again, one month later...


The Louse and Nit Brain Teaser
Mr and Mrs Louse arrive at your child's head to set up home. Mrs Louse is pregnant with 50 eggs (nits) and will lay them at a rate of five per day. When she has finished laying she will fall pregnant again and lay a further 50 nits at the same rate. After that she will die of exhaustion and her husband will die of grief.


The eggs take 10 days to hatch, and the babies then take a further 10 days to reach maturity and be capable of laying their own eggs.


Assuming that none of the babies leave home, no other lice arrive, and nobody treats the lice, how many nits, babies and adults will there be:

1. After 10 days
2. After 20 days
3. After 30 days
4. After 40 days
5. After 50 days

Answers
I scratched my head over this enigma (for perfectly innocent reasons) and R&B were astonished at just how many sides of scribbled out A4 I covered with my calculations, but, correct me if I'm wrong, the results are as follows:

1. After 10 days 45 nits and 5 babies
2. After 20 days 53 nits, 55 babies and 5 adults
3. After 30 days 125 nits, 45 babies and 55 adults
4. After 40 days 187 nits 138 babies and 113 adults
5. After 50 days 625 nits 250 babies and 125 adults

And then of course of the 125 adults, the 63 females among them will go on to lay 50 eggs each and so ad infinitum. And that's just one couple, please don't ask me to do the calculations for the addition threesomes and orgies. And not only that, in truth the eggs can hatch in 7 to 10 days, and the babies reach maturity in 7 - 10 days it's just I found the maths more do-able in units of 10, so it can be much, much worse.
I am now totally convinced that never again will I inspect my child's head without knowing what nits and lice look like, without my glasses, in the dark, from a short distance with one eye closed and with hope in my heart.

I must search for the truth, and face it.

Three lines

of

Gap please

10 Facts about Lice that you should Know

1. Lice only climb off heads in order to reach other heads. They die in less than 2 days if they have no blood. Therefore those that drop off are dead, dying sick or confused, and any with the strength remaining will clamber back to the head immediately. They do not lurk in dusty places for decades like fleas. Further therefore it is NOT NECESSARY OR DESIRABLE to steam clean wash, scrub and disinfect your entire house - the car - the lawn, your neighbour's lawn, the neighbours house and so ad infinitum THANK GOD.
2. Little egg, big louse, yes, the truth is contained within the observation LICE HAVE BABIES. Therefore if you comb out a few microscopic red and black dots not visible to the middle aged eye without reading glasses or even with them, frankly, and you mistakenly believe that your child is louse free, a few days later the dots will be old enough to engage in INDESCRIMINATE SEXUAL PRACTICES.

The Louse family, baby to adult in 10 days

It is debateable whether or not poisoning with insecticides works, it depends on the rigour of application and whether or not the lice are resistant to the poison, and the most effective poison is a combination of all the poisons and therefore the poison voted most likely to poison your child and our planet (refs available).

1. The type of comb and the method of combing is important - see below
2. Lice do not like the smell of tea-tree oil and if their backs are rendered sensitive by alcohol it can kill them (clinical refs available).
3. Teachers in France dye their hair because lice do not like to live in dyed hair (unverified anecdotal evidence)
4. Lice cannot jump THANK GOD
5. But they can run pdquick, climb with ease, and love to play hide, but not seek
6. They do not drown easily
7. Babies up to 10 days old stay on the head where they were born, therefore your child is not likely to give lice to others if you comb twice a week, even if babies are still present.

Best Chance of Success Combing techniques

Comb with long vicious teeth

Wet combing with comb that has long ferocious teeth:  
Do this as soon as there is a louse alert in your neighbourhood, or after careful checking of your child's head.

GET INTO THE HABIT OF REGULARLY CHECKING YOUR CHILD'S HEAD for small pearly white teardrop shaped 'dandruff' that sticks to hair and can't be brushed off, for red itchy pathes or blood spots especially near nape of neck, for little red or black dots (babies) or sesame seed coloured and sized fast moving beasts.

This technique and keeping it up a once a week as a detection/prevention routine, will save you from having to deal with an infestation.  The combing technique alone can get rid of an infestation if done carefully and repeated often.   Wash hair once, slather with conditioner, (saves pulling on hair and subsequence screams, and sticks beasts safetly to the goo so they can't escape) comb out the conditioner with the above type comb and wipe every swipe on kitchen roll and dispose of safely.  As louse eggs (nits) take 10 days to hatch and a further 10 days to reach sexual maturity, if you do this once a week for several weeks and then from time to time to check that the beasts have not returned, you have a diagnostic tool, prevention and treatment in one good routine.

Electric Comb expensive to buy but easy for spot checks and very enjoyable sadistic killing.

Essential oils:  a hopeful spray of lavander oil and a big dose of denial will not help you, but there is some good news about essential oils high in phenols, cetones, exoydes and aldehydes, eg:  aniseed, origano, cinnamon leaf, tea tree (the most effective), bergamot, naiouli, eucalyptus, citronella carraway seed and Spanish marjoram.  Combined with vinegar or alcohol which weakens the beasts' backs these oils can cause them to die. Ha.