The personal freedom to wear swimwear of choice is not on the menu in France. National rules apply in all municipal pools, you are to wear tight nylon pants.
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| French Regulation Trunks (I see which way you hang, sir) |
I once took 3 German exchange students to the pool wearing their regulation German trunks and they were refused admission as they emerged from the changing rooms. I tried to buy 3 pairs of regulation trunks from the pool's regulation vending machine but the vending machine was broken. I begged for international clemency. They still didn't let us in under their 'show no mercy' policy. All five paying customers in my party had to be reimbursed and go home Disappointed. The reputation of France was internationally damaged.
This trunks policy rides roughshod over shyness, modesty, comfort , expense and national differences. It's very simple, if you don't fork out and squeeze into the horrid nylon trusses, you don't get into the pool.
It is sunny today and R&B and our English exchange student felt like a relaxing and enjoyable trip to the pool.
It took half an hour to get our trunk collection out of the trunks and find one that fitted each person and conformed to regulations. B (who is Against tight trunks) claimed they were either too small, too transparent or too embarrassing and opted for skim-fit short short-style trunks. These were a little loose on the thigh as he has very thin thighs, (they do have a secure lining). In desperation, he tried to staple them tight but the staples wouldn't hold. He opted for paper clips at the back, and a Mr Bean style entrance with towel clasped to his bum and his back to the wall. He will probably be banned anyway, the lifeguards are specially trained in long-distance trunk observation, and B will ride home again on his bike, bone dry. Not relaxing or enjoyable.
B thought his trunks had passed under the bar, he had a relaxing and enjoyable time as planned, but as he got out of the pool the lifeguard called him over and said that he could not help but notice B's trunks were not legal and that he couldn't let him back in the water! When B asked the reason, the lifeguard said 'because they might be dirty'. ?. ??. ????? Firstly he had just been in the pool and if they had been dirty it was really rather too late, secondly, they are certified swimming trunks with inner shell lining, and far less likely to be unhygienic that the sweaty over-tight buttock separating nylon ones they advocate. All this confirms my earlier conviction that there is absolutely no reason or justification for this rigorously upheld rule.
I dream of the day when the French rise up against the Repressive Trunks Laws, and shout NON with one voice.
Postcript
In the face of my protracted outrage JC decided to come clean about what he knows about swimming trunks, swimming shorts and French swimwear regulations. According to him, ten years ago many men and boys wore loose and long swimming shorts for multiple leisure activities such as playing tennis, rolling in dirt, dancing etc, and without once pausing to wash themselves or the shorts, they dived into the pool and dirtied it. In an anglophone country this would be correctly identified as a personal hygiene problem and an educational campaign would be launched to change national attitudes and persuade men to wash before swimming and wash their shorts...such as Tufty the Squirrel and his lovely clean bum, the Green Cross Code, wash your trunks before you dunk, Girls Love Clean Undies etc. But no, in France the problem was seen a shorts problem, the 'logic' being that if your swimming shorts are long or loose they can be worn for sports and leisure, but if they are tight nylon and uncomfortable, nobody would be seen dead in them outside the swimming pool (or in it, frankly).
Stark naked, God, only in Germany...
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