Mayor approves our new gate!

This is the signature of the Mayor, Arnaud de Bastard,  who has just officially approved our plans to upgrade an existing gate, hooray!

The application has taken three months to process and has been returned twice, despite my asking copious advice at the appropriate council department.   Twice.   Hooray!   Now we must  put a sign up for a month warning passers by that we are going to upgrade our gate!  Hooray for progress!

Permission to renew gate, some of the many, many papers involved...

We had to apply for permission to replace a decrepit and unappealing gate, filling in an 18 page form, with photos and simulations before and after,  5 copies.   I am not even allowed to paint the wall in my garden next to my back  door, where no-one can see it but me,  without asking for permission 18 pages 5 copies etc...  I got rather hot under the collar at this point and asked if I should make a planning application for wearing a white dress on my terrace.  How they laughed.

Here are just a few of the things that the Mayor and his elected councillors want to specify about our gate:

The mini wall under the gate must not exceed 60 cm
The gate and posts must not exceed 1.80 m in height
The width of the gate opening must not exceed 3.5 m
The colour must be specified (what colour would they like?)
The gate must be totally open to view for burglars and nosy neighbours (new law, the existing gate was closed in) (no reason given for new law)
They needed to know the distance between the bars...(10 cm as it happens)
We cannot re-render the wall behind the gate without filling in another application (quickly scrubbed this project)
Builders estimate required with scale drawing of gate
One form had to be filled in N/A and signed, 6 pages, 5 copies (the trees, the trees...)

I'm so glad the Mayor and all his elected Councillors like our new gate and are so concerned with the minutia of our every day life...it makes us feel really special.  I just can't understand why so many people in France change their gate any old how without even asking permission, do they know what they are missing?

Green Gaspacho

Summer has struck and my screensaver is filled with wild flowers.  With summer comes HEAT, even the computer is HOT;  B has rigged up a mini fan which plugs into a USB socket thingy with a swtich which is sellotaped to a reel of fishing line...(?)

Summer and my screensaver is filled with wild flowers...

Life saving computer user mini fan gadget by B

Heating food and eating hot food must be kept to a minimum during Parisian heat waves if kitchen and cook are not to suffer from irreparable heatstroke.

Today I got up early to open the windows (as I do every hot day) and let in the cool air (if you call 20 C cool) and went to the market early, before the heat, and came back with spring onions with tops, carrots with tops and radishes, with tops.

This Green Gaspacho is green for two reasons, firstly it is a green colour and secondly it is made from the parts which would otherwise be thrown away.   I do not do paid work but I do work and with this soup especially I feel I pay my way.

For this you need a good blender.    I have a Magimix blender, which is well worth the extra price as this is what you have to pay to get the right quality for the job -  of being a blender.   I have had mine for 3 years and use it at least twice a day for smoothies and soups.  I can't escape the fact that a good blender is key in my quest avoid throwing away food, and to encourage youngsters to eat enough fruit (smoothies).

Green Gaspacho Recipe (vary according to what you have)


Ingredients
Any tops - in this case carrot, radish and spring onion (radish leaves have to be cooked the same day or they turn yellow)
Any wrinkly veggies that need using up, or cheap in season vegetables
A sad lonely lettuce that nobody ate
A few stinging nettles and chard leaves if you have them (optional)
If you like garlic, put some in, or wild garlic if you have some in the garden

Fresh herbs which you would enjoy eating raw (eg: oregano, chives, mint and parsley, with a sprinkle of rosemary and sage).

Method
Wash and cut up tops and garden leaves and boil until tender in a pan of good water.  When cooked, leave to cool, and mix in blender with the herbs - the raw herbs give it some kick and retain health properties.

Taste and season, chill thoroughly, serve with a swirl of cream or creme fraiche if desired.  Actually the seasoning part may require some imagination - depending what you put in it.

VOILA!

Alright I admit it, it looks disgusting, it tastes disgusting...but my husband eats it.

French Swimwear Laws

TEENAGER STAPLES TRUNKS IN DESPERATE BID TO GAIN ACCESS TO LOCAL POOL!


The personal freedom to wear swimwear of choice is not on the menu in France.  National rules apply in all municipal pools, you are to wear tight nylon pants.

French Regulation Trunks (I see which way you hang, sir)

Over the years I have engaged pool officials in unsatisfactory conversations on this subject, and have yet to discover why practical and comfortable swimwear is not accepted at the swimming pool.

I once took 3 German exchange students to the pool wearing their regulation German trunks and they were refused admission as they emerged from the changing rooms.  I tried to buy 3 pairs of regulation trunks from the pool's regulation vending machine but the vending machine was broken. I begged for international clemency.  They still didn't let us in under their 'show no mercy' policy.    All five paying customers in my party had to be reimbursed and go home Disappointed.  The reputation of France was internationally damaged.

This trunks policy rides roughshod over shyness, modesty, comfort , expense and national differences. It's very simple, if you don't fork out and squeeze into the horrid nylon trusses, you don't get into the pool.

It is sunny today and R&B and our English exchange student felt like a relaxing and enjoyable trip to the pool.

 It took half an hour to get our trunk collection out of the trunks and find one that fitted each person and conformed to regulations.  B (who is Against tight trunks) claimed they were either too small, too transparent or too embarrassing and opted for skim-fit short short-style trunks.  These  were a little loose on the thigh as he has very thin thighs, (they do have a secure lining).  In desperation, he tried to staple them tight but the staples wouldn't hold.  He opted for paper clips at the back, and a Mr Bean style entrance with towel clasped to his bum and his back to the wall.  He will probably be banned anyway, the lifeguards are specially trained in long-distance trunk observation, and B will ride home again on his bike,  bone dry.  Not relaxing or enjoyable.

B thought his trunks had passed under the bar, he had a relaxing and enjoyable time as planned, but as he got out of the pool the lifeguard called him over and said that he could not help but notice B's trunks were not legal and that he couldn't let him back in the water!  When B asked the reason, the lifeguard said 'because they might be dirty'.  ?.   ??.  ?????  Firstly he had just been in the pool and if they had been dirty it was really rather too late, secondly, they are certified swimming trunks with inner shell lining, and far less likely to be unhygienic that the sweaty over-tight buttock separating nylon ones they advocate.  All this confirms my earlier conviction that there is absolutely no reason or justification for this rigorously upheld rule.

I dream of the day when the French rise up against the Repressive Trunks Laws, and shout NON with one voice.

Postcript
In the face of my protracted outrage JC decided to come clean about what he knows about swimming trunks, swimming shorts and French swimwear regulations.  According to him,  ten years ago many men and boys wore loose and long swimming shorts for multiple leisure activities such as playing tennis, rolling in dirt, dancing etc, and without once pausing to wash themselves or the shorts, they dived into the pool and dirtied it.    In an anglophone country this would be correctly identified as a personal hygiene problem and an educational campaign would be launched to change national attitudes and persuade men to wash before swimming and wash their shorts...such as Tufty the Squirrel and his lovely clean bum, the Green Cross Code, wash your trunks before you dunk, Girls Love Clean Undies etc.  But no, in France the problem was seen a shorts problem, the 'logic' being that if your swimming shorts are long or loose they can be worn for sports and leisure, but if they are tight nylon and uncomfortable,  nobody would be seen dead in them outside the swimming pool (or in it, frankly).

L'experience de la fumeterre

La plante sauvage la fumeterre (fume+terre) est venue chez nous.   Toute legére et délicate, elle monte comme la fumée, et depasse, et semble etouffer les autres plantes!  Comme la fumée, elle est facile a 'souffler a l'ecart' - fragile, elle se casse à la moindre touche.  

Comme la fumee qui monte de la terre, la fumeterre depasse une courgette et monte le treillis

La fumeterre au pieds s'une fenouil et une fruit de passion

La fumeterre en fleur

Une nuage de fumeterre

Nous accueilons les plantes sauvages qui s'invitent chez nous, et evitons de les voir comme mauvaises herbes, elles nous apportent leurs propriétés médicinales  (par consequence notre jardin n'est pas nette et propre comme il faut en banlieu...).  Nous prennons une poignée de la plante que nous mettons dans une petite casserole de l'eau bouillante, et nous la  laissons mijoter cinq minutes, puis le liquide est pret a boire.   Cette tisane a un gout degeulasse!   La fumeterre est conseillée pour nettoyer le fois, les reins, pour aider la digestion, éviter la constipation, réduire l'inflammation:  il faut la boire avec chaque repas pendant 10 jours en juin, quand la plante est en fleur.

Decoction de fumeterre, la coleur or-jaune avec une touche de vert

Buvex ce liquid, et vous allez crier  WOAHHRRR!

Pyrale du buis produit éfficace et écologique

En bref:

• La Pyrale du buis;  defoliation totale du buis par des chenilles de papillon
• Les produits anti-chenilles à base d'une bacterie Bacillus thuringiensis sont efficaces contre la pyrale du buis
• A eviter, les produits nocifs pour les abeilles et la nature (surtout pas cypermethrine et delatmetrine)
•  Exemples des produits:   CP Jardin, Solabiol, Vilmorin ont des produits anti chenille bacillus thuringiensis, a trouver dans les centres du jardinage...ou regarder leur sites web.

L'année dernière nos buis ont été attaquées par la pyrale de buis, quelle dévastation!

Monument d'un buie de l'annee derniere, trop tard pour le sauver...

Nous avons lu sur Wikipédia que les produits écologiques etaient 'a éviter' car le resultat ést trop 'variable', sans explication ou le moindre justification, donc nous avons essayé un produit écologique quand même, et avec un succès totâle;  il n'y a pas de quoi, plus de chenilles en vie, buis en vie!

Nous traitons le retour cette année avec le même succès.  Le produit est a base d'une bactérie (Bacillus thuringiensis) qui attaque uniquement la chenille, et pas les autres espèces; sans rester dans la chaine alimentaire, car une fois les chenilles parties, le bactérie n'a plus de victimes et se diminuent au même temps.

A noter; insecticides à base de cypermethrine et delatmetrine sont nocifs pour les abeilles.

Vilmorin Anti Chenilles, pour rosiers, arbustes et fleurs*

MAIS Daniel Jacquemond de Vilmorin, message de vos clients...
l'OGM n'est pas la solution, l'agroécologie fournis les solutions valables et étiques, adaptées à chaque situation et voila comment, voir le film "Les Moissons du Future" de Marie Monique Robin ici http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqD5z3ti74g ou tous les arguments rationnels sont exposés.
Et voila les raisons tres importantes et aussi rationelles pourquoi il faut eviter le GMO , voir le film "Le Monde Selon Monsanto" de Marie-Monique Robin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv-UvuNRh_

S'il vous plait Vilmorin,  preferez investir dans l'humanité, la santé de notre planète, et l'agriculture qui peut nourir le monde; plutôt que des méthodes GMO qui detruisent notre monde.

Nous comptons sur vous, merci pour votre écoute.

Earth-smoke, Fumaria Tonic

Our garden has been colonised by the wild flower "Fumaria" (fumitory)  from the Latin "earth smoke", and in French fumeterre.  I think it is 'earth smoke' because it arises from the ground like a cloud of smoke and silently envelopes all the other plants, although it looks very lightweight fluffy and inoffensive, has no overt weapons...

Like smoke;  fumaria rising above a courgette plant and seeping through the holes of the trelis

 JC and I have come to take a benign view of the "weeds" which plant themselves in our garden, as they always bring some sort of medicinal property, and now we think of them as a gift rather than a nuisance (although consequently our garden is not suburban ship-shape).

Fumaria taking on fennel, a passion fruit and a few weeds

Cloud of fumaria

Billows of smokey fumaria

We made a herbal tea/decoction;    take a fistful, simmer for 5 minutes in water and drink.  It tastes HORRIBLE.  Then comes the rush, rrrrrrroawhrs!    It is good for yer liver and cleans out yer kidneys, aids digestion, prevents constipation, reduces inflammation and is best taken about now, in June, in flower, with every meal for about 10 days.

Fumaria decoction, golden yellow with a hint of green

Drink this and it'll make you say RRAAAOUW

Three School Tales

Story One
Yesterday some pupils in R's class dared to put their hands up and ask 'Sir, what is the point?' of some exercise or other, and the teacher, racking his brains, came up with:

"Le savoir c'est le pouvoir";  Knowledge is Power.  (You have to remember that education is one-pointed in France.  You aquire knowledge by being miserable over a long period of time but at the end of it you can become a Big Boss and enjoy using your power to make everyone under you miserable).

"Knowledge is Power?  Oh no it isn't!" said the class, enjoying the pantomime and employing delaying tactics.

"Well you tell me who there is in power who doesn't have knowledge?" replied the teacher.

Up creaks R's hand;

"Hollande, Sir!".

Even the teacher laughed apparently


(In a reference to a hostage situation in Algeria in January of this year, in which 10 Japanese people were killed, Hollande expressed  “the condolences of the French people to the Chinese people.”

The mistake was not corrected, and it could not have made his Japanese hosts happy to be mistaken for their most bitter rivals  International Times).

Story Two
Last week the traditional and strict French teacher (Known as Confucius in our family) introduced a radical liberal touchy-feely method into the class.  She asked each class member to mark the work of the person next door and add up the score.

The French Teacher "Madame Confucius"

Obviously in a school were all the pupils are treated like criminals, such laxity could only encourage an enterprising crime spree:  this was far too good an opportunity to miss, and 'everyone' (according to R, read quite a few people I suspect) set off on an unfair marking bonanza,  slashing their neighbours' scores by half.

R had the presence of mind to find the teacher's unaccustomed liberalism suspicious, especially as it was blatently obvious that 'everybody' was cheating so he decided to mark his neighbour's work fairly. (The boy is Cunning and a Born Survivor, although not yet Honorable).

The teacher waited until the moment she collected the tests to announce that she would be taking off minus 2 points for every incorrect mark given to one's dear neighbour.     R swears she was hiding a snigger behind her hand.  R's eyes glazed in ecstasy for several days afterwards, as he remembered the panic-stricken scramble to scribble out the wrong marks before the teacher took in the work...

Story Three
 "Today is National Music Day.  You must all Enjoy Yourselves' said the English teacher in a strong French accent.  She did not explain how this was to be achieved according to R.

'That's strange' I replied, 'Enjoying yourself has no place in the serious business of French education and is, au contraire, strongly discouraged'.

'It was a supply teacher, not the normal English teacher' said R, by way of explanation.

What  puzzles me is how is she going to ensure her instructions are carried out ?  Minus 20 points for being miserable, +10 for being happy I should imagine.